It´s Valentine´s Day again folks, a time of year when I always spare a thought for those lonely lovelorn singles who have to endure being bombarded with images of cupids, red roses and vomit-inducing teddy bears – making them feel like they failed somehow. I say let´s reclaim the day and celebrate singledom- and freedom- in style! Here are 5 reasons you can be grateful you´re all on your lonesome…………
1. You won´t have to spend the night in a restaurant (or gastropub if he´s a cheap date) with crap service, mediocre food and hiked-up prices to sit crammed like sardines in a noisy and understaffed dining area surrounded by gloomy looking I´m-obliged-to-be-here couples who ran out of things to say to each other 10 years ago and now derive most of their entertainment from eavesdropping on your conversation.
2. You won´t have to stand in a ridiculously long queue in Clinton cards behind huddles of teenage girls in the throes of first love and those infuriating people who insist on buying Valentine cards for their daughter/sister/aunt/dog. Being single also means you are no longer responsible for remembering his mum´s birthday….double bonus.
3. You can take a long, hot, candlelit bubble bath and then sleep spread-eagled in the middle of a clean, sweet-smelling bed with no hairy, sweaty, snoring monster ruining your beauty sleep. Bliss.
4. You can fantasize about whoever you like with no guilt whatsoever. If you want to take it one step further you can act 15 again and get your annual dose of fluttery excitement by leaving anonymous love notes for as many people as you like- the funny guy who works next door, the shy bloke who serves your lunch or the man with the lovely teeth who gets on your train every day. It´s what Valentine´s day is all about!
5. You won´t have to feign delight when presented with badly-thought out gifts bought at the last minute by a man who invariably has no idea what to buy you, even after you dropped a million hints for a dozen red roses and some new lacy underwear. So spare a thought for all those poor women who will be the disappointed recipients of a naff piece of jewellery from Argos or a pair of edible paper knickers and some chocolate body paint from the local indoor market.
5. You can have a fab night in or out with your beloved female friends! Why not organize a very girly film night (Thelma and Louise, Pretty in Pink, Grease, Dirty Dancing, whatever floats your boat), a clothes/accessories swapping night or an Avon/Ann Summers/ Body shop party? Going speed-dating with a friend is a fun night out and even if you don´t meet anyone you fancy, the funny anecdotes about that weirdo who only spoke to your chest will keep you all laughing until next year.
If you are still hell-bent on finding some romance, hitting the bars on Valentine´s day is a guaranteed way of picking up some new phone numbers. Like every year, come 8pm tomorrow night all the eligible bachelors will be falling over themselves to get into those bars where girls go free. They´ll be the ones standing in a big group, preened and self-conscious, eager eyes scanning the dancefloor like bidders at a cattle market.
Call me a cynic, but I guess that´s one more reason to be glad you´re single this Valentine´s day :)